French American blend

J’ai vécu dans une illusion pendant des mois, a ne rien faire

J’aime faire

Creer

Me reposer

J’aime donner

Et la, je sens sortir de moi les choses désagréables enfouies, j’aimerais que ce soit autrement, juste en respirant, mais c’est ainsi le cycle de la vie.

Et j’aimerais être la pour lui et j’accepte que je ne peux pas et que la n’est pas ma place

Et alors je peux et dois vivre

And so is it, as I write as I speak

I’m horny like crazy

I strangely don’t want to have sex with him

It is so good that it hurts

So intense, completely opening up my full body

And so as I feel like I might die every day am I scared

To accept this I better not be scared of death

And I rationalized

But truly it is “just” sex, why should I be afraid?

Why am I afraid of such an intense pleasure? Of time stopping as it did last time? Well not last time but yeah as it did. It’s me abandoning my fears versus him abandoning his fears, versus… maybe there’s no versus.

—

I’m afraid of publishing this and as I am afraid I realize I better do… I respect and admire the women who share their emotions to the world. Rather I thank them as it’s the most generous act to give this to someone who will have somebody to relate to. And then…I am naked in front of the world… which might be truly what I need anyway…nothing to hide no more do what you please… I have this ability to do so, I may as well. And so I take a big breath and I dive.

Being truly fully vulnerable is the most beautiful thing one can feel… I am stripped off of all the layers and I wish this to every single woman in the world. Because what remains is our true nature, which is always truly empathetic (yes I feel for you woman). And I feel so intensely weak as I write this, but I have been hurt at my weakest and dearest and deepest and what comes out is always bearer, so I might as well not protect myself anymore.

Lady I want to write a poem for you.

[…]

Thank you D. for inspiring me to write. For inspiring me to everything.

Thank you my family for having been with me. Family is everything.

And I write so much. And there is so much to write. I didn’t want to write, I didn't want to be intellectual. There is nothing intellectual about writing, it is poetry, it is music, it reminds me of Anastasia.

It is not about making vague statements. It is about sharing, about giving.

July 8th 2021